Lost. Totally lost. Out of this world lost. Where are you grandma ? Marcus boi here...

I walked into a land of darkness on Friday, 8th of August. A land of no promise, no hope, no wishes, just nothing. A lonely person, with nothing to live for, waiting to die. Feelings of loneliness, of hopelessness, of nothingness, are just starting to pour into me. Why, why must god take her away from me? Why ?

Let me do a bit of recount into what actually happened. On friday, I was all prepared to go with my friends on a project meeting when my mum called, asking me to come to SGH as soon as I can. I took a taxi, rushing off to the hospital. Once I reached there, I felt a sense of fright creeping all over me, a sense only felt when someone close is going up to heaven. Then as I approached the ward, I saw my relatives with red eyes. I expected something was bad, but until I saw my grandma, I didn't knew it was coming.

My grandma was in a state of coma. Fullstop. ( I just can't ber to further write somemore. ) And the only thing I did was to call 'AH MA.. AH MA...' I wasn't myself, because this great person was going to leave me. I was going to be all alone in this cruel world, without her doting care, and constant saying of ' Orh? Orh Han Zi Lahz'. Ah Ma don't leave me... Marrcus boy here ....

Then she saw four of us grandsons, three childrens of hers, before her pulse dropped and she passed away. My mother cried uncontrobally , and I was restraining myself from crying. AH MA... AH MA...

Then it was the funeral. Five days, ending today. And I was not allowed to go near the coffin or anyway near it. NO cremation, no nothing. I was not allowed to see my grandma going up to heavens physically, but only in heart and soul. This was not allowed as it was superstious for me to go.

I need someone's help. I need to pick myself up again. But then, who's willing ? Who is ? I need a hug. I need someone to comfort me. I am out of my mind..

AH MA !! AH MA !! AH MA!! Marcus boy here .. Yao Ji De Marcus .. AH MA !!! (Crys)